A few Texanisms that I have known......

.....dry as a powderhouse rat.
.....dry as a bone.
.....dry as a popcorn fart.
.....poor as a churchhouse mouse.
.....cold as a Banker’s heart.
.....cold as a whore’s heart.
.....colder than a well digger’s ass (in the Klondike).
.....cold as a witch’s tit.
.....nervous as a whore in church.
.....rough as a cob.
.....dumb as a stick.
.....he ain’t got as much sense as God gave a goose.
.....she ain’t purty, but she’s hell for stout!
       (usually talking about some home-built something or other)
.....if brains was dynamite, he couldn’t blow his nose.
.....as lost as a goose in a hailstorm.

And I've used all these phrases

.....since I was knee high to a grasshopper!